Well done is better than well said.
5 Tips for Dealing with Conflict
Dealing with conflict, either with people you are responsible for, or between people, is one of the most challenging parts of leadership.
It’s one of the elements of leadership I have always struggled with, as my tendency is always to want to ‘leave it’ or ignore things and hope they go away. Unfortunately they don’t.
However, dealing with conflict constructively can actually be a really good thing. Good conflict resolution can strengthen faltering relationships, help to clarify miscommunication or lead to setting new goals for development.
Recently, I was at a leadership conference where a speaker gave one of their top tips as ‘never ignore conflict’ - I took this up as one of my goals for the next few months to try and intentionally improve on the way I deal with conflict.
So here’s my 5 tips I’ve found useful for dealing with conflict. Feel free to disagree, pick them apart, or suggest others of your own:
- Listen first, wait and then speak yourself.
- Keep anger in check, keep your voice quiet and calm.
- Be specific, talk about specific events/situations/people/numbers and reference them rather than making general statements.
- Ask others to be specific as well. Don’t be afraid to ask others to clarify what they mean.
- After speaking, ask for feedback. Eg ‘Does what I’ve said seem fair?’
What do you think? Do you have any tips for me as I attempt to grow my skills at dealing with conflict?
5 Essentials for Leaders
Brad Lomenick, who leads the conference called Catalyst in the US aimed at young leaders, gives 5 simple essential qualities for leaders:
- Be Humble- you’re not that big of a deal.
- Be Authentic- your team wants to be led by the real you.
- Be Informed- ongoing competence requires ongoing learning.
- Be Decisive- no one wants to be led by someone who can’t make a decision.
- Be Present- in the moment, focused on now, and physically around. literally.
Which are you good at?
And which do you struggle with? How could you work on them this week?
Lessons for Younger Leaders
Have been thinking for a short while about doing a series of posts on being a young leader - being one myself. The Willow Creek blog (not one I normally visit) has a really good series of posts on young leaders from lots of great leaders much older and wiser than me.
You can read them here.
Treading the line between idealism and cynicism
I’m a bit of a dreamer - I have big ideas and big pictures in my head of what things should be like. The problem with this, though, is that when reality hits hard it can be so easy to lose faith in my dreams and instead fall into being overly cynical and critical.
This is a great little post from Tim Chester on the need to protect your idealistic spirit from being trodden down into a spirit of cynicism:
Ideals are not a stick to criticize others. Instead, we should use our ideals to define our direction of travel. We are sinners living in a sinful world so we know we will never completely arrive. We live by grace. But our ideals keep us pointing in the right direction. There will be compromises and failures, but we know what we’re aiming for.
And ideals should make us bold as we work for Christ. If you want to keep your ideals pristine and unsullied by real life then do nothing. That way nothing is ever tarnished because nothing is ever risked. But a true idealist pushes forward towards their ideals even if along the way there are failures and disappointments.
Keeping your vision
I like to think that at my best I function as a visionary leader. I find it so easy though to get beaten down by practical details and volume of work that so often I find myself switching to the much safer role of being an administrator.
It’s so easy to lose the picture in your mind of what you’re aiming for and get lost in the everyday things that need to be dealt with. To be reactive, and forget to be proactive.
Leaders - how do you keep your vision through the everyday slog of work?
Be quick to listen and slow to speak…
…but not too slow because you might miss your chance.
Shared Leadership
One of the big things on my mind at the start of a new year for The Lab is the idea of sharing out leadership responsibilities and creating a sense of shared ownership.
I’ve spent three years leading The Lab, and have felt what it’s like to try and do everything - it’s time to give some other people the chance to do some!
This is a great piece by Jonathan Dodson on sharing out leadership responsibilities.
